I wrote a post about my journey with PoTs recently and reached out to you guys to ask for you to send me your health stories, physical or mental via e-mail and I’ve created a ‘Your Stories’ section. This particular story is about a young male living at University suffering with depression.
In 2011, I first started feeling hopeless about life. I felt like I had an inner voice telling me that everything was a waste of time, and that everybody hated me. Between 2011 and 2013, I was so tired that I kind of just ignored it. But then, I lived abroad for a while. I had an amazing time and met incredible people. And then it all ended. I came back to Britain, to the humdrum life I’d not experienced, and just couldn’t find joy in anything.
I was shopping in Aldi with my Mum today, when she went and got me a bottle of energy drink – something she seldom does. When I asked why, she told me “You don’t seem yourself. I don’t know if it’s because you’re tired, but something isn’t right.”
I told her I was fine. She started crying and telling me how worried she was. Reluctantly, I agreed to go to my GP. I told the GP that I just felt like all the happiness had left the world. She prescribed me some citalopram and I went on my way. I kept forgetting to schedule a follow-up appointment, and when things got bad again, I just gave up, thinking “I’m not worth it”
In Summer 2014, I tried to kill myself. I struggled with everything – with this inner voice that I was starting to feel was real – and took an overdose. Thanks to my brother, I’m alright now, but they prescribed me aripiprazole and it made me like a zombie.
I then moved. I stopped taking aripiprazole so I would be human again. And once again, I overdosed. I took 42 paracetamol, and had my best friend not taken me to hospital, I would be dead. They then prescribed me mirtazapine and started a course of cognitive behavioural therapy with me.
I won’t lie, I do have down days – I got so worked up once that I cried myself to sleep hugging a packet of corned beef. But the up days feel better. And when these thoughts do come creeping in, I’m equipped to deal with them. Things are looking up, for once, and it feels good.
Young Male, 21, UK.