Dear Old Jessica,
Let me start by saying you are beautiful and you are strong.
At 13 you don’t believe this, I know you don’t, but you are, and you are worth something.
I know you think that you’ll never be kissed, you’ll never have any of the boys chasing after you… but my love, that changes faster than you can imagine. You’ve just started your teenage years and my god, everything is in front of you and you won’t believe the things you’re going to achieve. This letter is coming from the girl now ready to exit her teenage years and has learned more than she could ever imagine.
You also won’t believe me when I say how fast things move and how quickly they change. In life you’re going to come against a lot of brick walls, and unfortunately that will happen more than you think it will. You’ll find yourself banging against those walls trying to turn them into something they’ll never be, and all I have to say when you come to those situations is to just stop and look around for a minute… you’ll realise what it’s worth… and what it’s not.
You’ll spend your teenage years searching for yourself and I can say with confidence by the time you’re 18, you will have found out who you are, but you’ll never stop evolving and growing. You’ll live life in the fast lane before it all suddenly comes to a halt and you’ll think you’ve crashed… but you’ve not. I promise.
You’ll spend more time in the hospital than you can imagine. YES, I know. That doesn’t sound fun and it sounds a little bit scary. But the positive thing my love? All those dislocations and accidents you keep having with your joints? You’re not crazy or accident prone. You do actually have an illness that will spiral into a dozen different types, and that is ok, because you are stronger than you’ll ever realise. So all those doctors right now that keep telling you there’s nothing wrong? You have my permission to throw a chair at them (no, please don’t.. but.. you can in your mind) because they’re all so SO wrong. One day you’ll find this doctor called Dr Roberts who will start to fix you, believe in you and listen to you. Any time you see her you’ll feel warmth and you’ll smile because she’s the one that will listen, and she’s the one that’s going to see you through until you’re finally back up on your feet. 🙂 Thank her. Thank her. THANK HER.
You’ll have your heart broken more than once, and you’ll think it’s never going to end… but it does. You move on, and you continue to grow.
Those friends you have right now? I mean… the close ones, they’ll still be around, I promise, and you’ll have so many new friends that you don’t even know exist right now that will introduce you to new and more amazing things. They’re the people you need when you fall ill. They’re the people that will be there.
And those girls who are bitchy and mean to you in school? All I have to say is once you leave school… you’ll never have to deal with them ever again. You suddenly won’t have to walk into a hell hole every day and wonder ‘Who’s going to comment on how I look today’ because no matter how many times those people put you down, you’ll realise one day how much further you’ve grown than them, and your life consists of growing and growing and blooming, high school is 5 years of your life, after those 5 years you’ll start to blossom and some people… just never learn how to. And your Maths GCSE? Haha… You’ll never need that for what you’re going to do 😉
Your passion for writing and creating is still here, it’s still shining and it’s still going to be used. You have a talent there. Listen to your English teacher… he’s right.
Don’t let anyone ever tell you, you aren’t good enough.
Don’t listen to people who make you feel like you’re crazy or different. Yes you are different, you’re unique and you don’t follow the crowd, you never have done, so keep at that and you’ll be just fine.
Don’t DON’T DON’T DYE YOUR HAIR BLACK FOR GOD SAKE.
Don’t fall for that really attractive guy in college, he isn’t the one. (Ok, you will fall for him but … you’ll wish you never) – side note: It will teach you a lot though.
Don’t let anyone stop your day dream. Yes you are a hopeless romantic, you still are, but some people are going to drag your head straight from the clouds back down to earth… you don’t need those people. Keep on dreaming.
Don’t let your illness drag you down.
Don’t be scared to try new things.
And please… don’t feel like your boobs will never grow. They do. Maybe not as big as you’d have hoped… but, they’ll still grow. And they’re still a working progress 😉
Yours sincerely, and graciously,
Jessica, aged 19 and 8 months.