I was just sat a minute ago thinking to myself really how lucky I am. GCSE results came out today and on this PoTs Facebook page I’m a part of I saw a young 19 year old girl celebrating that she had finally gotten her English GCSE and she was going to go onto her Maths next. That got me thinking. A lot of the time I am thankful for everything, but i’m also consumed by sorrow. I mean, of course, i’m always in pain, that consumes me, it’s a 50/50 whether or not i’ll wake up feeling sad or happy, anxious or lonely, but I do think a lot some days about how my illnesses consume my life.
But what I don’t ever think about is that I made it to age 19 in education, and if that isn’t something to feel happy, and lucky about now i don’t know what is.
See, this young girl was so happy that she finally got her English GCSE, when I got all of mine 4 years ago today. I’m not saying its a competition, or I’m gloating, in anyway what so ever. I just feel lucky that I was able to do that when so many others couldn’t. I got all B’s, 1 C and 1 D. I was battling then, but not even to 80% of what I battle now. So, I could manage. Then I went on to do 2 (very difficult, but manageable) years at college and got a DDM (basically AAB) in Creative Media Production. That same year I had a liiiiiittle break down, a rough patch, but I still managed to do a year at university and come out with a 2:1 overall.
So I can feel sad, I can feel miserable or lonely but there’s something I often forget. I am so lucky that this didn’t consume me younger, and i’m so lucky that there’s still hope and a lot of determination to get back to do my last 2 years at University. I may grieve and feel sad about the life I couldn’t hold onto anymore, but I did it, and I can do it again. I am lucky. I don’t think that often enough. But I am. I don’t often think about the people who couldn’t and still can’t do the things i managed to do. Those people battle the most, and there’s nothing but passion in all of them, and I praise them for that.