What’s Hardest 

There’s a lot of things you could talk about when it comes to the hard things you face when you have a chronic illness. The things that are the hardest for you can range from the things you feel you’ve lost and the symptoms you’ve gained. Everyone has their own thoughts on what’s hardest for them. Pain, managing the pain, the fatigue… you could go on and on, and I couldn’t say what’s the hardest on behalf of everyone that has an illness because that’s impossible!

But for me, what I find hardest is feeling like I’m not achieving what I could achieve in a ‘normal’ functioning body.

I can get severe lack of motivation with ME/CFS. I don’t really like to call it ‘lack of motivation’ because I feel it sounds as if that’s my fault, but really it’s because my body/brain can’t keep up. Battling numerous illnesses is a hard thing, and my fatigue and lack of energy comes into play 80% of the time.

I do really hate feeling like I’m not keeping up with my potential. I see people my age at university studying, achieving their dreams, on their road to success and living their lives and I’ve always had a complex about achieving things I believe I can achieve and I believe that’s because I’ve always known what I’ve wanted to do with my life.

From the moment I wrote a short story down at age 8, and then went on to pick up a camera aged 9 (although it was a Bratz version that couldn’t record more than 10 seconds at a time). Ive always been inspired by many aspects in the media industry. From Radio to TV, to films, and being a director or editor, screen writer… all these things have been my ambitions!

So when you’re set back and feel like you’re on the outside looking in, it’s really a tough thing to grasp, and to deal with.

I’m not saying I won’t go on to achieve these things, but in reality I’ll always have these illnesses, they’re part of me. And I know that and right now they aren’t under control , I don’t know how long I have to wait before I can carry on with my ambitions,  but hopefully that time will come sooner rather than later. 😉

Jess.

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One thought on “What’s Hardest 

  1. Who knows what the future will bring. People with all the opportunities don’t take advantage of them, or even completely waste their lives. Some peoples’ great success causes terrible consequences & pain for others. Don’t compare yourself to any one else try to take pleasure in the small victories and don’t count yourself out. You may produce a piece of art as a reaction to your hardships that changes the world. Cures may be found, you may be the one who finds them. Sorry if it sounds trite, but the better you feel about yourself the better you will feel. Keep going :).

    Like

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